Hi out there. So here we are, months later and yet, we've not moved one single inch from where we were before, months ago. How can that be? Time, it's a tricky thing, I think. To us, it is the day and the night, the moments and hours, the day, the months, the years, but to Him? To Him, there is no time, only choice, human choice, and reactions, response from that choice, and it all melts together creating life. The thing he created, the very thing for which he lives, endures, hopes, waits, is even jealous for. Life, us, humanity. Hmmm....so God needed. Then: us.

I picked him up...this morning.

Okay. I picked him up this morning. I couldn't bear to see him lie there anymore. The words, the promises, they are/were, always have been, beautiful. I placed him beside me while I thought and thought. I don't think I'm wrong for wanting to see. I think that just makes me human. A little lower than the angels, to be sure, and much lower than God himself, of course, but human. He made me this way so is he joking when he talks about living by faith, something that seems beyond the reach of human capacity? Is he? Hmm. I don't think he is and it truly irritates me at times.
Sincerely,
OH

God, face down.

I kicked God, his words. I kicked him all over the place. (Well, I mean I threw him first--his words, I suppose I should say.). He's on the floor now, quiet, not saying anything, lying face down. I mean, the thing that started it was this: he said, "I love you" and I said, show me and then it was the blah, blah, blah, words without action kind of thing and I couldn't stand it anymore so I just threw him across the room and there he lay. Not moving. Maybe waiting. I don't know. But years of hope and faith and trust lay there with him and so I kicked him across the room again and there he lay, doing nothing. That's just it. Doing nothing. I'm a f***ing mess. All my life, my hopes, lie between the covers of that book, the holy scriptures. All of me lies there. I have given my life in its defense, in his defense and there he rests, not uttering one single, solitary word. But then...
"Why?" he said. "Why did you throw me that way? Why did you doubt what I said?"
"I'm tired," I said. "Tired of the written word. To me there's more, there's got to be more and if you are God, then I think...no, I know you can give me more. Can't you now? Hmm???? And how 'bout all these blog readers? How 'bout them? Show me, don't tell me. I love you still, I mean...you know?"
And so I said to God.
I have pics of him lying there, facedown, words crumpled in the corner and me crying, shouting, waiting for...for...something. "Actions," I screamed, briefly, just briefly, into the air. "Give me actions. I have clung to these words forever and now I need to see. To SEE. Do you HEAR me most high? Where are you?"
So maybe you out there think this a bit disrespectful? Hmm. Le'ts see, how respectful is it to feign loyalty with a seething heart, a heart that he sees anyway? Hmm? I say we respect God, we respect ourselves, when we honestly admit what is going on and encounter him on the level where he truly resides, in the deepest chambers of the human heart. Anyway. He's big enough, powerful enough, secure enough to hear me out. All the way. Today, tomorrow. Forever. He knows where I've been and best part? He knows where I need to go. And so well...whatever for now, you know?
Sincerely,
OH (One Human)
***Wow even my initials have a certain resignation, acquiesing element and yet, wonderfully surprising, eh? Thank you God. Good night.